Author's note

You know the drill by now...

I slowly walked back home, watching the sky darken. I couldn't wait for the summer. I'd be ten and I could stay out later. As if my mum or Samuel would care. I was usually out of the house most weekends since my mum had night shifts on weekends now. But I'd have to face the abuse at some point. I noticed my mum's car was parked up in the driveway. Usually she'd leave by now. I unlocked the door and walked inside. I heard yelling coming from the kitchen and I rolled my eyes.

When weren't they arguing nowadays? I was about to go upstairs when I decided I might as well eavesdrop on them. Not like I had anything else better to do right now. I tip-toed towards the kitchen door and pressed my ear against it. I heard my mum's voice first. "Why won't you understand Samuel? I don't want to do any of that anymore...just give me space!" I heard my mum sigh heavily.

"You don't understand do you? I'm hurting just as much as you are, which is why we need each other more than ever. Even in that way Mandy." I noticed the door was open enough that I could look inside. I peered in, being extra cautious so they didn't see me. I saw my mum pressed up against the kitchen counter, Samuel holding her in place. I looked up to their faces and wanted to throw up.

Samuel was leaning in towards her until finally he kissed her. I was expecting my mum to recoil or something considering what she was saying a minute ago, but instead she kissed him back. I was about to shut the door when my mum pushed Samuel against the fridge. Oh god, don't tell me they were going to make out in the kitchen. I stood in horror as she started kissing down his neck and unbuttoning his shirt. I grimaced slightly and finally started closing the door when Samuel looked straight at me.

I was frozen and in shock when he suddenly grinned at me. I tried to move but I just couldn't. That's when my mum stepped back, breathing hard. Samuel turned his attention back to her as she turned away with tears in her eyes. I seized this chance to shut the door and run upstairs. I pulled my bed covers over me, what I saw was disturbing in my eyes. I saw this kind of icky stuff in movies but...still. Not with your own parents. I sighed and snuggled into my pillow, when I jumped at the sound of the front door slamming.

I slowed my breathing down, he was going to yell at me. He was going to kick me, he was going to beat me. I couldn't have a blackout yet...I had to wait till the actual beatings. I heard the heavy thuds of his footsteps as he marched up the stairs. I we go again. Samuel stood at my door...but he didn't open it yet. In fact he stood there for several minutes. I sat there waiting, but he still didn't open it.

Then after what seemed like forever, the door opened. I took a sharp breath as he pulled off the blankets. I opened my eyes and jumped slightly when I realised he was wearing only his underwear. I shot my eyes to the side, staring at the open door. All his clothes were there...but why? I crossed my arms nervously, I hadn't been this scared of him for a long time. "S-so...what beatings this time?" "Mmm...I thought we'd try something...a little different tonight..." I tilted my head to the side in confusion, Samuel was usually too drunk or too lazy to come up with new ideas.

I prepared myself to be dragged or punched, but instead he did something I'd never thought would happen. He grabbed my wrists before pushing me against the bed and crushing our lips together. My eyes widened in shock and I tried to move away but he locked me in place by putting his legs firmly against mine. I squirmed and tried everything to move but nothing worked. That's when I felt his tongue slipping into my mouth, my eyes brimmed with tears. I just wanted this to end.

Finally he pulled back and I was hoping it was done, that was until he started kissing down my neck. I could feel his teeth biting at it painfully, I cried out in pain and whimpered, begging him to stop. But he didn't stop, he just carried on. He let go of my wrists, which were now bruised and throbbing then proceeded to pull off my shirt. I tried pushing him away now that my arms were free but he was too strong and he pressed his body against mine. I sunk into the bed and I felt my eyes sting as warm tears fell out.

I didn't understand what was going on or why he was doing this, why couldn't he just beat me instead? Suddenly he grabbed my arms, pulling me up before pushing me against my bedroom wall. I closed my eyes as my chest ached in protest of the pressure. Samuel's hands slid down my sides to my trousers which he then started to pull down. I yelled and tried to shake him off but I might as well have been pushing a wall. At last I could feel my blackout kicking in, I started to feel dizzy but Samuel shook me awake.

He usually let me pass out...but not this time. I screamed and cried for hours but it was useless. He didn't stop, nobody came to help me. I suffered through hours of pain and not even knowing what kind of new torture this was...

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